Internal Family Systems
“Heal the parts of you that need your attention or you will forever live out your pain for all to see.”
– Dana Hall, LCPC
“Heal the parts of you that need your attention or you will forever live out your pain for all to see.”
“Part of me wants one thing, but part of me wants another.” If you’ve ever said anything like this, you are describing how your mind actually works!
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is based on the idea that we all have different parts inside of us. We even have some at birth! Parts are experienced through thoughts, feelings, sensations, urges, memories, and images that arise in our body.
Internal parts consist of wounded or exiled parts and protector parts that have shown up to protect us and our exiled parts. As we develop and go through life experiences, our parts often take on extreme roles and take control of the system. However, it is important to keep in mind that the non-extreme role of each part has good intentions and there are no “bad” parts, only parts that have taken on extreme roles.
The goal of therapy is not to eliminate these parts (feelings, thoughts, beliefs, etc.), but to help them find more helpful ways to do their jobs, and to find relief from working so hard to protect us and traumatized parts.
Three Types of Parts
Wounded parts, or exiles
Exiles contain the most extreme memories and feelings and are often younger parts. These are the parts that hold trauma, large and small, that overwhelms your ability to cope and create extreme emotion states. Managers and firefighters often show up in order to keep the exile locked away so it won’t overwhelm your system, allowing you to function.
Managers
Managers help regulate the system and keep it stable. Managers try to keep the exile out of awareness by controlling emotions, environment, others, and the self. They often get confused with the self.
Firefighters
Firefighters step in when the managers have failed to keep the exile out of awareness. Their job is to extinguish the pain that arises with the exile. Managers often dislike firefighters because of the trouble they can cause, leading firefighters to become more extreme. Firefighters may be mild, such as smoking cigarettes, or more severe such as binge eating, using drugs or alcohol to excess, self-harm, or suicide attempts.
The Self
We also have an undamaged, unbroken core self inside of us that we refer to as “the Self.” The Self is you, the you that’s not a part. The Self should lead your internal system, but over time and through trauma and stressful life experiences, the Self has been taken over by our exiles and protectors.
The self is compassionate, wise, curious, open, accepting, validating, confident, calm, courageous and creative. When you are experiencing one or more of these feelings, you are in what is called “self-energy.” While in self-energy, you are more able to help all of you parts to heal.
Through the process of IFS therapy, you, as the Self, can help the parts relax and return to their more helpful roles. These parts will start to trust you, which will help your core self to emerge.
You will then have access to your exiles, who you will then be able to help unburden themselves and heal. Ultimately, your system will return to balance as the Self takes charge. You will start to feel more confident and calm and you will be able to handle your life more effectively.
One of the advantages of IFS is that you can become more mindful and grounded in your body sensations instead of running from them, fighting with them, or trying to get them to leave. IFS is a very powerful therapy that has the power to heal and help you find yourself again.
Frequently Asked Questions
Will it be painful or difficult to do IFS?
It can sometimes feel overwhelming to do any trauma work. If an exile gets triggered or other parts take charge of the system, you might start to feel overwhelmed with emotions and sensations. In this case, your therapist will help you ask the overwhelming or triggered part to ease back and give you space so you can help it feel better. You have the ability to ask parts to go slow, and parts have the ability to go slow and share little by little.
What does a IFS session look like?
An IFS session starts with the therapist helping you to find and focus on the body sensations, images, or thoughts that have arisen. It may be about a trauma, or it may be about something that happened this week that is triggering you. We start with the part that needs your attention the most right then.
You will become aware of the part and have it “unblend” or separate from you so you can mindfully speak with the part and learn more about it.
You will be asked questions by the therapist which you in turn will ask the part. As you listen, you may feel the answer as an emotion from the part, you may have words pop into your head, or you may experience body sensations. These are the answers from the part. As you explore and process these answers, you will be able to help the part begin to trust you, the core Self, and be able to find a role that is more peaceful for everyone.
What if I don't hear or experience my parts answering?
Maintain a curious, mindful and patient attitude toward your parts. Sometimes they are hesitant to answer questions because they don’t know you. As the Self you have been covered up for a while, and it takes time for parts to trust you to handle things.
Sometimes another part might be blocking the answers. You may be able to talk to the part that is numbing or walling off the target part, and talk to it about its concerns.